My oldest son used to always walk ahead of us. Okay, not walk - run is more like it. He never looked back to see where I was, so I always had to keep my eyes on him. He was different than other kids -- impetuous, loud, no sense of personal space. I'd exhaust myself each day trying to manage him. He had few friends and playgroups were generally a nightmare of cleaning up in his wake. But he had eyes -- deep, see-through-you eyes that just begged for a connection.
Lost in all of this chaos was his twin sister. A delicate, quiet, happy little girl who preferred sitting and playing with just about anything to running around being loud. Fine hair, huge brown eyes, and the giggliest little laugh. She lived on the edge of her brother's chaos, always avoiding flung toys, headlong tumbles, and his attempts to steal whatever she had in her hand. At playdates it would take her a long time to warm up - and by then, we'd usually have to duck out with her screaming brother under my arm because he'd overstayed his welcome.
Yet she was happy almost all the time. The simplest things made her mouth drop open in awe - the moon, a bird in the yard, bubbles. Even on days where 90% of my attention and energy went to her brother, she'd float happily along doing her own thing - coloring, reading, cooking pretend meals for me and her stuffed animals. She and her brother played together, but she learned to retreat to her own space when she'd had enough. She also taught herself to read, and I think that was her lifeline. When life in our house got loud and crazy (as it still does), she could go in her room and lose herself in a story.
My oldest is still loud, and still seems to generate chaos wherever he goes. But he's more thoughtful now, and somehow seems to have actually heard the things I've told him (okay, yelled at him) over the years. He's smarter than even I thought he'd be, excels in school, and understands more about relationships than I ever thought he'd be able to slow down enough to learn.
And his sister? His shy, happy compatriot? She's outgoing, confident, and just as smart as her brother. And, most importantly, just as happy as she's always been. They are good friends despite the dramatic personality differences.
There were times when they were little that I got lost in worry for their future - would he ever get along with other kids well? Would she ever come out of her shell? Would they be there for each other through the hard teen years and beyond?
As we navigate those tough teenage years, I know I can let go of those particular fears. I can see them both walking ahead of me now - together.
